So gin and wine won't be happening again
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
