We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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