That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
