I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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