At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
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Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
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Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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