I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
