If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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