Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
