Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
