i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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