it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
