You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
