i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
