out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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