some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
