There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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