he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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