i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
