cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
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