Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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