No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
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