I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
