Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
