I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
