thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
