Your face is a jimmy john
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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