Can Purell be used as lube?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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