Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
