I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
