he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
