just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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