so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Mom said you looked used
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
