someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
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The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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