Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
