Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
