Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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