Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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