God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Less talking, more tequila
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
