I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
