If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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