Plan B is the new Plan A
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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