Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
