It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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