My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
