One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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