For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
