I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize