This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I think a kid would responsible me up
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
