i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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