I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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