she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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