Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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