hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
