U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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