GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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