I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
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I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It's blow job season.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
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I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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